Free Write on Getting Lost

to lose my mind…god how I want to lose my mind.to just be blown away like all those crazy poets back in the day.. follow jack Kerouac on the road and jump on the bus and trip out to acid and go on a JOURNEY. The best parts of journeys in not the place you are going to but the getting there…I think I stole that quote from somewhere..but it is a good one at least…so I walk..i like walking..the first time I go anywhere I walk…for miles…walk…look….walk…look…if I get lost somewhere I will always be able to find my way home again after that…it is better when you are lost..you meet people..ask directions…find small little alley ways in morocco that are so crazy that there aren’t even maps of these places and everything looks so foreign and men with discomforting grins look out their windows and fat women washing laundry jeer at you like what the hell are you doing here and then you find a girl in a djellaba that leads you back to the street and holds out her hand when you thought finally finally someone is just being truly nice and good hearted..but no..that hand is held out to grab your heart…or your wallet,and you stop trusting the world again…stop following again…but you always start following again and in each new country it is so different…new people new faces..god I love faces…just looking at the shapes of eyes, the complexions….the way lips curl…maybe this is racist because I actually look at the differences…and in america we are not allowed to look at these differences..it is not politically correct..we all have to look the same….everyone is gray gray gray gray gray gray gray gray gray gray….AND I cANT StAND IT ANYMORE I WANT TO GET OUT OF THERE!!@ so I tend to say some comments that reallllllly offend people…but to me it is REAL REAL REAL…the world is real and it is true that people are DIFFERENT!!! Everywhere…I swear!!!! People in other countries know I am different..they look at my white skin and know I am not from there and it feels so good sometimes to know that it is ok to look at our differences and the world would be pretty sucky if the vision of America really was spread everywhere and we weren’t allowed to look at funny shaped eyes or kinky black hair or weird customs that really ARE wrong like cutting off women’s clitorises and how does America feel about that?????? But back to being lost..and lost maybe is an emotion…I want my mind to be blown and that is why I travel..to see crazy stuff on the street…the street is where its at and again that’s why I walk..to be with the people to walk by the lepers and the naked holy men and the children begging and the rickshaw drivers that I absolutely hate that grab at me and I always threaten to hit them and call them an a-hole but secretly somewhere deep down I like it…and travel changes you somehow…once you go maybe you cant go back..andy says I am well on my way to going over the edge..the edge of no return..where you just cant stay in that box anywhere and go to work in an air conditioined cubicle and work in an air conditioned cubicle and live in an air conditioned cubicle because your mind is just not there…and I love freaking people out who live in these air conditioned cubicles because there is sooooo much more to life!!! So much more that people don’t see…so much more that people should see…and I want to blow these people's minds until they see….be crazy…be bizarre…be eccentric…..and then I will be lost forever maybe…and I think if you lose everything and then you are lost then you are free…but this concept of free still scares me..and I don’t know if I can go there…I still have my attachments to the world…MY money. MY family. My pets. My stuff. My clothes…..MY bobby mcgee….and if I didn’t have all of this I would wonder…wander…wander….wander…..wander….wander.